Finding peace and feeling for the first time in a long while
I will update y'all on my challenge but first Blake. We are no longer talking on the phone, which is such a freedom and for the first time in a very long long while I have come face to face with my feelings about him, life, dreams, etc
Below is an snipit of an email, I recently sent Blake and wanted to share it with y'all. Its where I am at. Its a struggle guys I sincerely missing him but I have found peace in letting my self feel that way but not having it become an obsession. I don't' know what life has in store for us, but for the first time I am willing to let life happen, let God figure that out. In the mean time, I am just gonna feel and let life happen.
Letting the universe have it...
1. You have my heart. You will forever be there and I mean that with the most sincerity.
2. I do believe presently not communicating is the right thing to do. It gives us (I know me for sure) time to think and feel without petty/selfish distractions/arguments.
3. I have learned a lot about me and relationships lately, the biggest is I don't like fighting and making small things a big deal, but I did that a lot with you and for that I am sincerely sorry.
4. You are (in all most present tenses) a great man.
5. Thank you for letting me be me. I know that has not been easy for you and it has hurt you in the past. But I also know that me being me is why you have loved me for so long and me losing that is one of scariest things to you. And you especially do not want to be the one to take that from me. I am extremely grateful for that Blake, so many men would have done all they could have to take that from a girl.
6. It is still my dream that one day me being me and you being you become us. I'm a stubborn optimistic dreamer, but you knew that. I haven't given up Blake.
I write this for you to read, not to begin some kind of dialogue. It brings me comfort knowing you have seen this. I am sure you will take this to heart. You are intentional and thoughtful, more than I ever gave you credit. If you choose to respond cool; if not just as cool.
Thank you Blake, for the time we had together, for the love we experienced, for life we learned about and continue to with each new day...
-Sam
Ok gotta go to work, but will provide love challenge update on the next post. I love you guys!!
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oh wow sam! i'm really really happy to hear you are feeling peace in ya'lls relationship! :) i can't imagine how hard it has been this last year. but it sounds like your just letting everything go and putting it in the Lords hands, which is awesome! :) i know everything will work out one way or another someday! i love you dude and i miss you like CRAZY!! i miss living life with you!! can't wait to hear an update on your month of LOVE challenge! :)
ReplyDeleteHey Sam! Thanks for sharing that with us. I'm also glad to hear that you are experiencing peace about things. I think it's good that y'all aren't talking on the phone anymore because I know that's something that you had told me that you thought needed to stop in order for you to be able to get peace about it all. I think it will give you time and space to get a new perspective on things. It will be good. Can't wait for your next update!
ReplyDeleteIt was great to hear from you yesterday btw!!!