Turns out I am not so hot hot at expressing my feelings says Debbie Divine from Divine Relaxation, so she gave me a Feelings Chart. Now I can look up my feelings and verbalize it correctly.
This was all realized in my mini therapy session my mama and gran bought me for graduation. My g-ma's friend Debbie is a therapist who does a survey with people to find out why they date the people they date-in other words "why the hell I dated Blake so long"
Survey:
First Day talk to you get to know history and what's up with life now
Second Day discuss positives and negatives of parents (This is where the red flags and what you want in a partner come from/ or what you are trying to change them into)
Third day Results and discussion
My Results:
Traits in a person who I tend to be attracted to (THE RED FLAGS)
Talks a lot about their unhappiness, doesn't know who they are, talks but does not act, behaves like the victim, lets someone else control their decisions, is always seeking assurance, I feel responsible for protecting their feelings, doesn't stand up for themselves, gives in, makes everything about money, is insecure, doesn't express feelings, is frantic, I feel guilty around them, fearful, financially helpless, flirty, doesn't know how to talk, yells, fights, sits instead of having fun with me, works a lot, doesn't vacation, irritates me, stressed, says they have no money, controlling, controls me, won't let me into family secrets, unfaithful, money comes first
Blake got a 24 out of 30. Well no reason I am so damn attracted to him he has so many of my red flags.
Who I think I can change them into:
Nurturing, cares about what I am doing, puts a lot of effort into me, lets me be me, supportive, attentive, fun, cool, youthful, someone I can talk to, someone who won't judge me, open, loving, loyal, devoted to his family (me), tries hard, lets me do what I want, gives me money, accepts me, shines in my important moments, sacrifices for me, affectionate, someone who wants family time
Blake scored a 50% in this category
I try to get them to be those things so that I can get:
someone who will "be there"-physically where I am, someone who puts me before work, someone who is faithful, someone who is soft with me, someone who is consistent, someone who is clear, someone who is honest, someone who acts instead of talks, someone who knows how to nurture themselves, someone I do not have to carry
Blake is one of these. (Bad Bad score)
This is what I want out of a relationship/ life on general:
And Feel-loved, free to play, free to eat, enjoy playing sports, happy, excited about life, like I am important to him, like he is paying attention to me, like he is close to me, like he want to share important things with me, calm, easy, no conflict, relaxed accomplished, like I have worked hard and therefore deserve something, like I put all of me into something, someone who makes me feel original, like I can be spontaneous, like I am cared for.
Then the things I need to work on:
1. Let others have responsibility for their own lives.
2. find a career I enjoy
3. provide myself with plenty of money independent of anyone else's
4. find my sports/playing opportunities I so obviously enjoy
5. stop assuming that if anyone is unhapp with you, it's your fault. Leave that person to their feelings. It is their job to tell you what they want, and your job to decided if that is healthy for you to give it.
6. develop some emotional independence. Healthy adults do not talk to their parents constantly about their lives. (I shouldn't vent vent vent to my mom and then feel better because things do not change that way. Take time to handle it mentally by myself to begin action and talk to mama if needed. I do have a large case of word vomit with her. haha but if thats my biggest problem I think I am doing ok. )
